Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
