He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
