tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
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Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize