This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
