dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize