We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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