you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
