Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
