Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
