I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
