If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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