So drunk its hurt
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
