We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
