just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
