Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
