Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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