did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and she was petting her beer can
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
