She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
