You really coming over, don't trick.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
