So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
