I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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