that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
