dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
do nipples grow back?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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