you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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