I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
