also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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