there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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