how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
