This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
