This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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