Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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