I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
