"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
