she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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