i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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