True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
