Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize