Sry I called you an 8
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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