i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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