I need help removing her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
