My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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