I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
