turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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