You're so nebulous sometimes
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize