There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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