atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
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I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
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Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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