Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
