You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
