What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
