do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
