Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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