am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
kristin has been a bad kristin
there was a trapeze. enough said
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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