I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
