the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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