you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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