I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
kristin has been a bad kristin
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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