I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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