Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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