Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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