I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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