Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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