You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
