Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
